Efforts to pursue the “flying dream”
Whether in work or love, Lam always stays consistent with his perspectives. He believes that sincerity and effort are two pivotal elements to achieving something substantial. He doesn’t consider the aviation career to be a random job. Before joining VNA, he experienced many different roles. With such knowledge and experiences, he could have been promoted to higher positions. But the “flying dream” had been burning in his veins since high school. It took him six years to grow into himself, improve his English proficiency, as well as his knowledge of this industry, after which he confidently applied to VNA.
During that time, Tung Lam always told himself: “I am not afraid of difficulties but of laziness, which can hinder me on the long journey to becoming a flight attendant.” Finally, his hard work and determination were fruitful. Right from the first round, the recruitment team was persuaded by his skills and experiences, which had been accumulated and sharpened for many years.
Love and the journey to overcome social prejudice
The flight attendant job has opened for many opportunities for Lam. During this time, he found his soul mate. His partner’s name is Pham Thien Luan – a year younger than him. They accidentally stumbled upon each other on Facebook.
Lam said: “My attention was drawn to Luan because he frequently liked or ‘gave a heart’ to my photos. As a tribute, I texted him to wish him a happy birthday. Because he was traveling to Thailand on that day, he promised to invite me a dinner to celebrate his birthday. I gladly accepted his offer. Since that dinner, we’ve been together as if we are joined at the hip.”
With a same-sex relationship, Lam knows that it will be tough to overcome obstacles if he does not try. Initially, he only dared to come out to his mother. He understood that every parent would expect his or her children to get married, have children of their own, and have someone caring for them when getting old. If he joined a same-sex marriage, it would be more difficult to have children. To convince his parents to accept his true self, Lam persisted in proving his ability to raise a happy family, and provide it with love and financial security.
Then, having the chance to participate in “Who is single?” season 1, Lam openly confessed his real sexual identity and encouraged his fellows in the LGBT community to share their emotions with and seek empathy from their relatives. After that, he met his father and was extremely happy when his father said: “I want you to live happily, just the way you are.” Lam also shared: “Dad no longer asks when I will get a wife. Instead, he says, ‘Let’s take your friend home some time and have dinner together.’ That is my small success.”
Since his relationship was accepted, Lam takes Luan home on a more regular basis. “I have two brothers. Adding Luan, my parents often joke that our family has ‘The Elite Four.’” Regarding Luan’s family, they consider Lam to be the eldest son who can support them with everything. “I’m happy to have proved that LGBT love is equally beautiful – that it can overcome all strict prejudices from family and society,” Lam expressed.
Like many couples, their same-sex relationship is beautiful, even though they sometimes have a fight. “After the sweet period of ‘first falling in love,’ we entered the period of ‘harsh truth’ of a relationship because the difference in our personalities and opinions start to reveal themselves more freely. After two months in the relationship, there were intense conflicts between us, we were on the brink of separation,” Lam recalled. “When our hot tempers cooled, both of us decided to change ourselves, to get along with each other, and to put ourselves in the other’s shoes to understand one another.”
“We both believe a relationship is similar to a balance. If one puts his/her problems above his/her partner’s, the balance is immediately tilted to one side – creating imbalance; after which everything will collapse. Thus, when being in a relationship, we should let go of our egos, empathize with our partners’ habits and behaviors, and accept to love even their darker sides. Most importantly, both sides should share the same line of thinking. If the efforts come from only one side, love will shatter easily,” expressed Lam.
Many people say that the love of those in the LGBT community does not last long, but Lam disagrees with that. “Love between men and women also comes and goes quickly; it does not merely happen to same-sex love. How long a relationship lasts depends on the insiders, on whether they are positive, tolerant, and willing to forgive each other,” the male flight attendant analyzed.
Lam said that both of them had to try hard to keep their love kindled. A flight attendant is always subject to a tight flight schedule and travels a lot. For this reason, finding time to spend with his/her partner is difficult. “No matter how busy we are, we still care about and encourage each other. Love requires the efforts from both sides to keep the fire burning and to maintain the long-term excitement.” Lam added: “In addition, I have to balance my time with my family. When having free time, I clean my house, eat with my whole family, and organize short trips to enhance the bond between members.”
Message to the LGBT community
Recounting his love story, Lam hopes to inspire others who are like him. “The world has changed, and Vietnamese people also have gained more positive attitudes towards the LGBT community. However, to be accepted by family or society, the first thing we should do is to live in a civilized way to create a good impression on people around us,” he said.
“This helps people understand our emotions and feelings – that LGBT love is as normal as other kinds of love and not as negative as they used to commonly believe. This will change the stereotype that there is no true love in the LGBT community,” Lam added. He also hopes that those who are struggling to hide who they really are will bravely come out and wishes the society would not isolate and turn their back on them.
When asked about work and his plans for the future, Tung Lam said: “I am very lucky to work in a modern, civilized, and loving environment. At VNA, I receive full great support and facilitation from the senior leaders of the Group to prove the values of the LGBT community. Thus, my goal at present and in the future is to learn and develop myself to contribute to VNA further. I always remind myself of not being complacent with my accomplishments, but to relentlessly spread my aspiration for living to other young people.”
Nguyen Mai Huong-COMM
